Getting Real: But How Will I Look?

It was some sort of awkward form of immobilization that presented itself. My mind was racing, yet going nowhere. These shorter, yet trim at the time, Bavarian/English descent legs of mine continued with their steady, forward progress. Oddly they weren’t “kicked into gear,” seeking shelter from the upcoming storm.

What was initially a screech of tires, an exhaust growl that would surely kick up excitement in any car-crazy sole, and two small dots of light on the dimly lit horizon grew to become “up close and personal” as the yellow sports car, bright beams and all, raced toward me, traveling far beyond the grandmotherly speed limit set for that area of campus. My mind raced, wondering what to do, wondering how stupid “I” would look if those Bavarian/English legs of mine set off running.

The ice skating rink flanked the sidewalk on my left, the quiet, almost desolate street to the right. Up until that point the chilly, but somehow warm, welcoming rink, had been a place of fond memories. It was there that friends and I had attended Dorothy Hamil-style ice skating classes (for me that was Dorothy at age three!) and many hockey game nights with miles of excitement, cheer-worthy brawls among players, and wild (clean), college-age fun. What a bummer that this fun memory-filled venue would unknowingly soon have a mark of darkness splattered upon it.

But God can change even that.

Certainly, He has.

His desire is to reveal and heal those lies in each of us in order that we may run in His absolute freedom. Oh, I praise Him for freedom! Those lies hold us back, entangling our stride, and although we may still be walking Christians, moving forward as I was on the path that night by the ice rink, we’re called to run.

Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls! Heb. 12:1 MSG

Going back to being real with screeching, full of horsepower cars, ice skating rinks, and a young, twenty something college coed who was afraid to run in the face of danger. Indeed, you heard it. I was afraid to run even though a car was barreling down upon me as though human flesh was the aim of it’s target practice.

Why? Why was I afraid to run? Plain and simple, it was fear that trumped wisdom in this situation. FEAR! It was a fear of how silly I’d look if I was wrong that fear put me in the path of danger.

Oh.my.goodness.

I shiver just typing that, and I praise God as I think of the healing He has performed in this area since then, especially in the past three years. Mmm mmmm good!

Being afraid to “run” forward or even move in a different direction because of fearing how we’ll look in the eyes of others is not God. It is simply Satan tempting us toward his killing, stealing, and destroying fields. It’s bondage sure as the day is bright, entangling us in the race set before us. Its close ties to perfectionism and a fear of failure are certain, or at least strongly suspected in my eyes. Fear stops or delays us from the future God has for us. If you’re afraid to step out due to the thought “But what will others think?” take heed.

Although my legs were moving forward at a casual walking pace, my mind was racing, wondering how stupid I would look running. After all, fear screamed that it might just be my imagination, that maybe this vehicle really wasn’t heading toward the sidewalk. Perhaps it was simply a poor situational size-up.

“You’ll look stupid if you run!” it screamed.

Fear lied.

Doesn’t it always?

Fear’s rationalizations weren’t the truth, they were confusion putting me in the way of danger. Even though I was physically walking, spiritually it was as though I were bound, going nowhere. The car was headed for me, and I certainly wouldn’t have looked silly or stupid had I jumped out of the way. At that moment, at the craftiness of fear, I found myself in the cross-hairs of sin in more than one way; in my own mind as well as right there on that sidewalk.

The end result of my fear-filled encounter with the car was a bruise on my upper inner thigh. The car veered close enough for a young man’s hand to slap my leg, leaving a hand-shaped bruise for three weeks, maybe a bit more. Although shaken and crying, I was fortunate. It could have been far worse.

Physical healing ensued, and spiritual healing was on the horizon. I would love to say that “horizon” was a few days away, but we’ll need to fast forward a few years, like twenty, to arrive. 🙂 (Boy, am I really glad He doesn’t leave us nor forsake us!) That’s the time in life where God started to unfold the truth to this lie of being concerned how “I” look. Don’t you love it when He unfolds the truth and brings healing?

Sunday school, church, and maybe even Vacation Bible School (VBS) can set a wonderful atmosphere for learning His truth, but sometimes it takes the quiet of a one-on-one with God to come to the depth of realization and healing.

The truth revealed that it all boiled down to works. Yes, you read it: WORKS! I was afraid to run simply because it might make me look foolish if I were wrong. If I were wrong, it meant I didn’t measure up and somehow fell short of being good enough.

The lie says we need to perform to be good enough to be accepted (works).

The TRUTH says we are already accepted. (Romans 5:8)

The lie says we continually need to be good, to be right, to be perfect to be right with God.

The TRUTH says, “It is finished.” (John 19:30)

The lie says to keep striving, have no weaknesses.

The TRUTH says His grace is sufficient.(2 Cor. 12:9)

Once the head knowledge of these truths shifts to heart knowledge…a type of “knowing” that can only come from the Holy Spirit in His counseling session…

We are changed.

Forever.

Praise God!

A weight is lifted.

And we run.

With a new fervor.

The shackles are loosed.

The entanglements thrown to the side.

God is declared glorious.

We run in the path set out for us with a freedom that wasn’t evident the day before. We’re free!

We cease with the works, knowing that even at our worst, at that moment of salvation, we were already accepted, filth and all.

Whenever the lies try to creep back in, as they sometimes do, we hit them with the TRUTH.