Her words rang of “real” at our online writer’s training site. It’s what drew me to this brave woman. Today, Betsy de Cruz has “real” words to share with us. It’s her story. It’s your encouragement for #walkingdeeper. Enjoy!
When my son was born, I didn’t know that a baby can be a mom’s greatest joy and her worst nightmare. The fact that he came out screaming should have been a clue. When the nurse put that squirming, squalling bundle in my arms on the delivery table, I started singing “Jesus Loves Me.” Andres quieted down instantly, and my heart nearly burst. I’d sung that song every day during my pregnancy. As soon as I finished my song, he went right back to crying.
The next day I walked out of the hospital holding my brand new baby, with no clue about what awaited me. I didn’t know about pacing the halls with a baby at 2:00 a.m. I survived the first months of mothering, and by the time my baby was 4 months old, I felt almost human.
Most days the joy swallowed up the nightmare part. I was over the moon with delight the first day Andres said, “Mama.” I fell in love all over again when we bought him his first guitar, a painted wooden toy. He plunked himself down on the cement at the market. He strummed and crooned, “Guitar, guitar, guitar.” My heart swooned.
And when my Camilla was born, her dad and I were goners. She stole our hearts.
Although I loved being a mom, some days went south.
After all, I hadn’t signed up for ear infections that kept me up all night or kids vomiting in the car. I’d think, “Whose idea was it to have these kids?” I’d rebel against my new role and read the riot act to my husband.
Some days still go south. My teens get mad when I insist they clean their rooms. Now they read the riot act to me, and I think, “Really?”
Initially, my desire to be a mom centered around me. I wanted happiness and fulfillment. I didn’t realize God had a bigger plan.
God made me a mother to bless me and to mold me.
The blessings are many, but motherhood is a refining fire that enlarges our hearts. We learn love. We learn sacrifice as we get by on less sleep and stretch our money further. We learn giving as we sit down to one more game of Candy Land. It’s all part of God’s polishing process.
I can resist God’s molding or I can embrace it.
I hinder God’s work in me when I long for the past.
Some days on the outside I’m cooking and home schooling, but on the inside I’m yearning for the days when I could go have coffee with a friend whenever I wanted.
I miss what God wants to do in me today when I focus on the future.
On the dog-tired days and the pile of laundry days, my focus leaps into the future. I dream of taking that class, going to Target alone, and finally getting enough sleep.
Instead, I want to embrace what God’s doing today.
I want to enjoy the moments: playing gin rummy and belting out “Like a Rolling Stone” while we hang laundry. I want to keep my eyes open to the wonder of watching two teens grow into the people God created them to be. I want to let God have His way in me as I learn more about putting others before myself. And when I doubt I’ll ever learn, I want to trust that God will complete the good work He began in me.
Now it’s your turn: What’s one way God has used motherhood to mold you?
Betsy de Cruz enjoys God, life, and dark roast coffee. She and her family live in the Middle East. Most days she feels privileged to live overseas; other days she wants to pull her hair out and catch the next plane home. Betsy’s vision is to encourage women to get God’s Word in, so their faith can spill out, even during life’s bumpy moments. You can find Betsy at her blog, faithspillingover.com , on Twitter, and on Facebook.