Today’s post comes to us straight from the guest key clicks of Stacey Taylor. A fellow laborer in the Christian homeshooling endeavor, Stacey’s path and mine were crossed as military spouses in Hawaii. Her glass always seems to be half full or overflowing at the berm. In fact, her family appears to have such a wealth of fun (and takes the neatest pictures!) that I secretly wish I were in Stacey’s clan (wink, wink). They do have a good time, and it’s nearly impossible to not enjoy the pictures she posts. She shines brightly in God’s kingdom, not because of pictures or her earlier years modeling, but because she has a heart after God and, after a few moments with her, you’ll have all the evidence you need. Enjoy this post written in the Pacific Northwest by Stacey, just for you.
Then Samuel said,
“Speak, for your servant is listening.”
1 Samuel 3:10b NIV
“Look Mom! It’s 1:11pm…my favorite time of the day!” or “Hey, it’s 3:45! Get it; 3-4-5 make a wish!”
Whether it is 12:12, 11:11 or 1:23 a.m. or p.m., catching the clock at a numerical sequence is quite fun. I see Facebook and emails get in on this too, asking people to make a wish, because after all, it is the twenty-third day of the 1st month and at 4:56pm if you forward this email…this picture…say these words…all your dreams will come true!
I admit, it is quite fun catching these times especially when you can subtract all the numbers and it becomes your birth year or when these same numbers are never going to be repeated again, for like…a hundred-million years.
Noticing 3 a.m. as a child though, does not bring the same type of “joy” when noticing it as a teen, as a young adult, or as a newly married, young woman. Especially, when you are woken, notice the time, and are consumed by a feeling as if someone just shook your shoulders, told you a mean joke, lit your house on fire, or screamed at your very soul that you are worthless, horrible, unlovable.
My anxious mind races over my previous day trying to figure out all my relationships and reasoning behind all behaviors.
Am I what I think I am?
Is my life other than what I believe it to be?
Oh, this anxiety awakens me to a high-alert status that I can only willingly duplicate downing a triple shot of espresso and swallowing the realization of horrid news!
No, catching the clock at 3 a.m. like this is not fun.
I have prayed for this 3 a.m. awakening to stop for many years. Taught to pray it away, to claim my mind for the Lord; to only think what is good, what is right, what is pleasing. I believed this was evilness able to wake me up, get into my mind, take-over my thoughts and at the same time…every night. Why would a loving God allow this and why 3 a.m.?
One 3 a.m. I woke up and said with conviction,“Yes God. I hear YOU!”
I remember this night specifically because I had a rush of calm come over my heart. Instead of pulling the covers over my head and hiding from my feelings, I first acknowledged my Faithful, loving God who promises NEVER to leave me. God then filled my heart that this was not a time for anxiousness, but a good time for prayer as I am in a quiet place, meeting HIM at a slow time, when HE has ALL of me.
I have always prayed in all things- while I am sitting down, standing up, while I am walking, teaching, cooking, doing the laundry, etc. I was a “busy-person-dedicated-prayer-girl” and I believed this to be not only enough but, true prayer meditation.
This 3 a.m. is less about me and my anxiety at night and ALL about HIM and HIS pursuit of my heart.All day I was talking to HIM all the while busy doing other things. Not looking at HIM in the eye, not giving my full body, heart, soul-full attention. How I get after my own family members about this type of communication and rudeness!
I still awaken to this time of night with anxiety, sure a gentle nudge, a kiss on the cheek, a stroke on my brow would be a much softer way to get my attention, but I don’t have a good history of doing things the easy way. Waking up, quietly listening to HIS heart for me, HE has shown me how to settle my own daily anxieties by drawing nearer to Him in real prayer.
“Holy Spirit 3 a.m.” is what I call it.
I have grown in discerning HIS voice and now awaken with, “Who can I pray for Lord?”
About Stacey ~
I am an active duty wife to a Navy Chief in Washington State and a homeschool mother to two boys and two girls ages 5 to 18. Facilitating an on-line bible study through LoveGodGreatly.com starts my mornings in the right direction, giving me energy and a good heart adjustment before I start my day.
I am originally from Palm Springs, CA, have been a licensed hair stylist for 14 years, have a background in modeling and being a platform artist at hair shows. I now wear fancy bedazzled-jeans, boots, drive an F-250 diesel truck with two Labrador Retrievers in the cab and hay and feed pellets dusting my back bumper. Living the Pacific Northwest lifestyle is new to me, but I jumped at the opportunity to learn about hobby farming. For the past 2 1/2 years we have raised chickens, turkeys, meat rabbits, sheep, pigs, a Dexter beef cow, as well as maintaining 900 square feet of vegetable garden. Canning and preserving fruits and vegetables, processing and smoking meats, 4-H clubs, as well as crocheting are on-going study and practice for the entire household. Oh…and I drive a tractor while wearing lipstick and aviator sunglasses…keeping it classy!