Please join me in welcoming Iris Peterson to the blog. Iris and I met through the online writer’s training group, COMPEL Training. Her words are humble but staunch in the Spirit. There’s power in their midst. Enjoy!  

As I walked out of my co-worker’s classroom, I realized that decades of questions and moments of pain had been erased.

I don’t know the moment that I was set free from the spirit of rejection, but I knew that my co-worker’s words had not snatched a scab from a closely guarded wound. Her words had led me to a place of gratefulness as I realized that I no longer hurt. The wound was no longer closely guarded, it was completely healed.

I learned that I was adopted when I was ten years old.

My parents were the best things to ever happen to me and they gave me unconditional love and introduced me to my Heavenly Father who loved me from the moment I was conceived. Although they provided me with everything that I needed to be successful, I always felt that I had to please others and that my best was never good enough. I wondered if I had done something as an infant that caused my birth mother to “give me up for adoption.” I always felt like I did something wrong.

I lived my life pleasing others and looking for approval in everything that I did.

If I extended, or in most cases, overextended myself to help others, I felt a sense of accomplishment because I was giving help where it was needed. I ascribed value to my life by the amount of help that I was able to offer to others.

My life soon looked like a modern day crisis center. If I thought someone needed me, I would go out of my way to offer assistance.

I did not always pray about these decisions because I just wanted to be included.

I wanted to be liked.

I wanted to be needed.

I had many failed relationships because I wanted to change others and be the one that made the difference in their lives. If I didn’t make an impact or create change, I would feel that I wasn’t good enough or that I had failed.

I read books on approval addiction and learning when to say yes and how to gracefully say no. I still felt a sense of obligation to be everything to everybody.

Then I received an email from a co-worker asking for tech assistance. I provided her the resources she needed and sat with her and her students the next day to make sure that everything moved smoothly. She informed me that she would work with her students in class the following day.

She didn’t ask for additional help, but I decided to stop by just in case I could offer assistance.

I walked into her room, confident and prepared. And it happened.

She waved me away and said, “I don’t need you.”

I walked away and stood outside of her room to process it all.

I could not count the times that someone’s actions had indicated that I wasn’t needed, but I did not recall anyone ever saying those words to me. Her words were strong, but they did not hurt me.

As I stood in the hallway, I was able to grasp the impact that my thinking has had on my decisions in life. I was not needed at that moment because I had already given the teacher the tools that she needed to be successful.

Likewise, I wasn’t given up for adoption because I did anything wrong, but there was a bigger plan that God wanted to fulfill in my life.

If you have wrestled with feelings of insecurity and rejection, know that God loves you and he cares about every aspect of your life.

Your prayers have been heard, and He will answer. ~Iris Peterson Click To Tweet

And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for. I John 5: 14-15 NLT

The pains of the past were erased and I understood that the healed scar will simply point others to a Father who hears, answers, and brings peace to a troubled mind.

About Iris ~

Iris Peterson is a writer, speaker, singer, and ministry leader. She is passionate about sharing a message that will empower and encourage others. Iris is a mom of two teens and she resides in the Piedmont-Triad area of North Carolina. She hosts a podcast and a blog entitled Iris’s Insights

Facebook: www.facebook.com/ILPMinistries.org

Twitter: @ILPMinistries

Podcast: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/iriss-insights/id1199671852?mt=2

Email: iris@ilpministries.org

Linking with other Jesus lovers here: #raralinkup, #coffeeforyourheart, #chasingcommunity, #saltandlight, #faithonfire

Go ahead – paste “ugly” all over it. The temptation battles nearly all of us at one point or another. It’s envy.

What if we shed light on envy and have a real, girlfriend-to-girlfriend discussion about it? What if we share our struggles and how we overcame them? Then what?

And they overcame...by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; Rev. 12:11a KJV Click To Tweet

I smell victory.

Do you?

Feel free to pull up a chair and sit around the table. It’s our first ever post at “A Round Table.” 

A Round Table is a kitchen table of sorts here at KristiWoods.net. It’s a periodic post series, a place where we come, sit, and share our battles with a specific emotion or situation.

But that’s not all.

It’s also a powerful place where eyes search Jesus to live life daily. It’s a place we smell victory. At A Round Table we tackle real issues and grab maturity for our faith through Jesus.

This week we’ll be joining five Christian bloggers and authors as we discuss the B A T T L E with  E N V Y.

Join 6 Bloggers - How Do We Handle Envy. #roundtable 3/28-3/31 Click To Tweet

Feel free to comment below. We’re here, ready to keep the discussion going with you.

We’ll tackle NINE questions concerning ENVY over the next four days. Yes ~ FOUR days!

Make sure you sign up here so you don’t miss a single post. It’s ammunition, just for you.

Ready? Let’s go!

Please meet these beautiful Jesus gals sitting at the table with us. Each is a blogger and author. They write beautifully, but the real discussions these gals offer prove even more beautiful. Please meet:

Lisa Appelo of True and Faithful 

Kristine Brown of More Than Yourself

Betsy de Cruz of Faith Spilling Over

Abby McDonald of Fearfully Made Mom

Tiffany Parry of Simply for One

And your host, me – Kristi of KristiWoods.net 

1. Define Envy – what does it look like to you?

Lisa: Envy grows out of comparison, but I think it’s really based in hate – hating that someone else has what we want or hating someone else for what they have.

Kristi: Oh, Lisa. I’ve not thought of envy under the umbrella of hate. I cringe at the thought, but it’s true, isn’t it? Envy is a form of selfishness and pride. It’s all about “me.” That often links arms with hate, not love – the devil, not Jesus. Envy is a spiritual fight, that’s for certain.

Abby: I think envy comes from the belief that God is withholding something from us. Whether we realize it or not, we believe that God has given someone else better gifts than we have and are dissatisfied with what he’s given us. We may even believe God loves this other person more than he loves us.

You can see traces of this type of mindset in the interactions of the first woman: Eve. In the Garden of Eden, she lacked nothing. Yet, the serpent was still able to convince her that God was withholding something from her. And we all know how this deception turned out.

Kristi: It is deception, Abby. So true!

Action Step~
How about you? Let us know in the comments below what envy looks like to you.

2. Where do you see envy in the church, in ministry?

Betsy: We don’t like to admit that there’s envy in the church, but it can rear its ugly head when we compare our ministry to someone else’s. God called my husband and me to a ministry of the small. We lead a small church. I have a small women’s ministry that consists of encouraging people, one-on-one. Last year, I thought about starting a women’s group, but God spoke to me clearly through a friend, “The women you know don’t need another meeting. They need personal encouragement.”

Lisa: Envy is so insidious. It creeps into every area of our life. Within a church, it’s easy for us women to envy other women. I might envy someone’s looks, family, marriage, standard of living, home, talents, personality, children, friendships, or the size and shape of her ministry. The list is endless because envy has an insatiable appetite.

Abby: There are a few things I’ve found tremendously helpful in battling envy. First, I thank God for the gifts he’s given me. I say them out loud, journal them and keep them in the forefront of my mind when I’m tempted to covet what another person has. Second, I encourage others when they achieve their goals. When you encourage another sister and truly mean it with your heart, it is difficult to be envious of her. And last, I remember the words Jesus prayed for believers during his final hours before his crucifixion. He longed for us to be unified as one body. It’s difficult to do that when I’m jealous of another person’s gifts.

Kristi: Such insight, girls. Our ministries, even our walk with the Lord, won’t mirror another’s. It’s personal. Isn’t it just like the devil to take the personal side and warp its view from a God thing into a “what about me?” thing? And Abby, I love your idea of giving thanks, encouraging others, and remembering Jesus. There’s power when we go back to the word.

A Thought for You, my friend ~ Envy is something most of us have battled. Let’s get real, admit to envy, and set it on the table. Something hints that we don’t need to carry it any longer. Jesus assures love proves a better grasp. Ready?

Stay tuned for Part 2 tomorrow. Until then, we’ll “see” you in the comments below.

Linking with other Jesus writers here: Testimony Tuesday, Purposeful Faith, Jennifer Dukes Lee.

Flying With a Broken Wing

by Walinda Alleman

I’m excited to open wide the blog’s doors to fellow COMPEL Training and critique group member Walinda Alleman. She’s a gem who hails from another continent, but lives right at home now in the United States. When I think of Walinda, “sweet” comes to mind. She’s sweet, kind, and understanding, which I think you’ll see from her words below. 

I’ve often wondered what my life would be like if I had never been molested as a child. Or if I had been embraced, after the fact, comforted and reassured that it wasn’t my fault? I wonder if my life would be any different if I hadn’t been left with questions, confusion, fear and loneliness. Would I have ever tried to commit suicide if my innocence had not been taken in such a violent manner?

My mother shared that sometime after the event a family friend wondered aloud as to what had happened to that “bubbly girl”, referring to the change they observed in me. I would never use the word “bubbly” to describe me. Reserved, cautious, guarded, anxious, insecure — maybe, but not bubbly.

I also wonder what I would be like if I had never been raped, ridiculed, bullied and rejected as a teen? What if I had been believed and accepted instead of being locked up in a mental institution in response to the hysterical tears of anguish that I shed?

As a result of being violated, I find intimacy to be threatening.

I find relationships difficult.

I fear being wounded.

Conflict is something I am not comfortable navigating.

Maintaining eye contact is painful.

Being known is scary.

If someone were to look into my eyes or if they were to get to know me I wonder if they would see where I had been, what had been done to me and the filth that stained me?

I often think to myself that life shouldn’t be this hard. I shouldn’t have to work so hard at relationships. Relationships are hard enough as a result of the fall, right? I feel as though I come into them with an added handicap. As if the weight of my own sin isn’t enough, add to that the burden of carrying illegitimate shame and guilt (i.e. shame and guilt that belongs to the perpetrator of violence and not the victim). My relational style is affected by my sin and illegitimate shame and guilt that is a result of someone else’s sin against me.

Over the years I have come to accept what happened to me and have received counseling and been in support groups to help me process the trauma. But there are days when I feel a sense of defeat when I see myself reacting from a place of wounding. There are days when I can’t see past my brokenness and I feel discouraged.

On one such day a friend of mine sent me a picture of a butterfly with a broken wing. She said she saw it and thought of me. The subject of the email she sent with the picture was, “Flying With a Broken Wing”. I loved it. That butterfly was God’s message of affirmation to me. I am broken in so many ways and yet I’m still flying. I have purpose just like that butterfly did. In that moment I was able to see the many ways in which God was using me and my brokenness to witness and minister to the many people He has placed in my life and on my path.

The enemy wants us to believe that we are useless in our brokenness.

But God’s word says that His grace is sufficient for us, and His power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

The enemy intends to harm us but God uses our experiences for good (Genesis 50:20).

The enemy seeks to destroy us (John 10:10) but God works all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

So fly high dear friend, you have purpose. God is reframing your story with the Gospel and He is using you in other people’s lives!

God is reframing your story with the Gospel ~ @WalindaPAlleman Click To Tweet

~ Connect with Walinda

Walinda P. Alleman is originally from Malawi, Africa and currently lives in North Carolina with her husband, 2 boys and their dog. She owns a social media management business called Simply Social and blogs regularly on her blog, Glorious Weakness. Walinda is passionate about using her writing to highlight glimpses of God’s grace, the beauty in the ashes, the dignity within depravity and God’s glory in weakness. You can learn more more by visiting her blog at www.gloriousweakness.org

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Linking with other Jesus writers here: #raralinkup, #testimonyTuesday, #thoughtprovokingThursday, & #heartencouragement Thursday.