What Grief Does to You

January 28, 2020 by Kristi 2 Comments

I hadn’t intended on sharing this today, but then Kobe Bryant died on Sunday, thrusting many into a world of sadness and despair. It’s a funny thing, what grief does to you.

Grief

The sports world and more reeled at the news–young and old fans alike. Another talented voice silenced. Nine in that helicopter in all. How could this have happened? What now? They–we–are faced with grief.

I faced this monster after my father’s death. We knew he was dying. We had several days to prepare, but there’s one thing I didn’t expect: feelings of desperation during his final days. It was grief’s beginning.

Walking Through Grief

As Kobe excelled on the basketball court, my Dad did under the hood of automobiles. If he couldn’t find a car part, he’d create one. If he pulled a tractor, raced a vehicle, or showed a car, he’d most likely win. He was a genius with motors.

In his final days, as I began walking through grief, an odd thought hit.

He can’t go. The world can’t afford to lose his mechanical ability. What will we do?

Desperation. Maybe normal. Maybe not. But it was all mine. Have you experienced it, too? Maybe family members, friends, and fans of those who died Sunday are as well.

Losing that precious, gifted person equates to swallowing an apple whole. It just ain’t made to happen. Or so it seems. Alas, there is a time to be born and a time to die. But it doesn’t make it any easier.

Walking through grief stinks. Period. But rest in this, precious one. God has a plan. Nibble that apple in pieces. One bite at a time–because sometimes that’s all we can muster. And that’s okay. No need to swallow it whole.

Even in grief, our God remains trustworthy. Cling to the Strong Tower.

Even in grief, our God remains trustworthy. Cling to the Strong Tower. #grief #hope #kobe #death Prov. 18:10 Click To Tweet

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Finding Hope After Death

It sounds cliche, but hope amid grief can be found in the Lord. It’s not wrong to grieve. We should. And if tears flow, so be it. But God doesn’t leave us hopeless, even when we hurt with such intensity.

Hope in Grief Through Jesus

There’s the hope of eternity through belief in Jesus Christ. This brings the utmost comfort in a time when comfort seems lost. See this link to read more about salvation. But let’s focus on our feelings of desperation amid grief in this post.

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Hope for Desperation

Even those feelings of desperation–of losing the golden gift of a person–are quenched by Him. He takes the loss and causes us to see it as gain–the benefit of having this person on earth, in our lives, in the hearts of many.

Celebrate His handiwork–that He created them in His likeness and image.

God finetunes our focus from the loss to the gain. Sometimes this takes time. A good bit of time. And that’s okay. But what a relief from the intense heaviness when that focus turns.

Desperation dwindles when we hold close the gain of having that person in our life and in the lives of others. What if God would never have created them and they never walked this earth? What a loss! We are better because they were here. Society gained, too.

Praise You, God, for Your creation–those loved ones we miss.

Praise You, God, for Your creation–those loved ones we miss. #grief #findinghope #kobe #death Click To Tweet

Hope in Death Scripture

There’s one scripture I clung to while walking through grief. God proved Himself mighty and faithful with it, but that’s an amazing story I’ll share some other time. For now, as we walk out the days after Kobe’s and our loved one’s death, hold this scripture tight to your heart.

Pray it over the friends and family of the deceased. Proclaim to God for yourself. And keep eyes on the one who loves us like no other, our true Helper. May God comfort us all.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, through the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”
(2 Co. 1:3-4 WEB)

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#YourStory: Iris Peterson

July 11, 2017 by Kristi 16 Comments

Please join me in welcoming Iris Peterson to the blog. Iris and I met through the online writer’s training group, COMPEL Training. Her words are humble but staunch in the Spirit. There’s power in their midst. Enjoy!

As I walked out of my co-worker’s classroom, I realized that decades of questions and moments of pain had been erased.

I don’t know the moment that I was set free from the spirit of rejection, but I knew that my co-worker’s words had not snatched a scab from a closely guarded wound. Her words had led me to a place of gratefulness as I realized that I no longer hurt. The wound was no longer closely guarded, it was completely healed.

I learned that I was adopted when I was ten years old.

My parents were the best things to ever happen to me and they gave me unconditional love and introduced me to my Heavenly Father who loved me from the moment I was conceived. Although they provided me with everything that I needed to be successful, I always felt that I had to please others and that my best was never good enough. I wondered if I had done something as an infant that caused my birth mother to “give me up for adoption.” I always felt like I did something wrong.

I lived my life pleasing others and looking for approval in everything that I did.

If I extended, or in most cases, overextended myself to help others, I felt a sense of accomplishment because I was giving help where it was needed. I ascribed value to my life by the amount of help that I was able to offer to others.

My life soon looked like a modern day crisis center. If I thought someone needed me, I would go out of my way to offer assistance.

I did not always pray about these decisions because I just wanted to be included.

I wanted to be liked.

I wanted to be needed.

I had many failed relationships because I wanted to change others and be the one that made the difference in their lives. If I didn’t make an impact or create change, I would feel that I wasn’t good enough or that I had failed.

I read books on approval addiction and learning when to say yes and how to gracefully say no. I still felt a sense of obligation to be everything to everybody.

Then I received an email from a co-worker asking for tech assistance. I provided her the resources she needed and sat with her and her students the next day to make sure that everything moved smoothly. She informed me that she would work with her students in class the following day.

She didn’t ask for additional help, but I decided to stop by just in case I could offer assistance.

I walked into her room, confident and prepared. And it happened.

She waved me away and said, “I don’t need you.”

I walked away and stood outside of her room to process it all.

I could not count the times that someone’s actions had indicated that I wasn’t needed, but I did not recall anyone ever saying those words to me. Her words were strong, but they did not hurt me.

As I stood in the hallway, I was able to grasp the impact that my thinking has had on my decisions in life. I was not needed at that moment because I had already given the teacher the tools that she needed to be successful.

Likewise, I wasn’t given up for adoption because I did anything wrong, but there was a bigger plan that God wanted to fulfill in my life.

If you have wrestled with feelings of insecurity and rejection, know that God loves you and he cares about every aspect of your life.

Your prayers have been heard, and He will answer. ~Iris Peterson Click To Tweet

And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for. I John 5: 14-15 NLT

The pains of the past were erased and I understood that the healed scar will simply point others to a Father who hears, answers, and brings peace to a troubled mind.

About Iris ~

Iris Peterson is a writer, speaker, singer, and ministry leader. She is passionate about sharing a message that will empower and encourage others. Iris is a mom of two teens and she resides in the Piedmont-Triad area of North Carolina. She hosts a podcast and a blog entitled Iris’s Insights

Facebook: www.facebook.com/ILPMinistries.org

Twitter: @ILPMinistries

Podcast: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/iriss-insights/id1199671852?mt=2

Email: iris@ilpministries.org

Linking with other Jesus lovers here: #raralinkup, #coffeeforyourheart, #chasingcommunity, #saltandlight, #faithonfire

How Do We Handle Envy? A Round Table Discussion {Part 1 of 4}

March 28, 2017 by Kristi 39 Comments

Go ahead – paste “ugly” all over it. The temptation battles nearly all of us at one point or another. It’s envy.

What if we shed light on envy and have a real, girlfriend-to-girlfriend discussion about it? What if we share our struggles and how we overcame them? Then what?

And they overcame...by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; Rev. 12:11a KJV Click To Tweet

I smell victory.

Do you?

Feel free to pull up a chair and sit around the table. It’s our first ever post at “A Round Table.”

A Round Table is a kitchen table of sorts here at KristiWoods.net. It’s a periodic post series, a place where we come, sit, and share our battles with a specific emotion or situation.

But that’s not all.

It’s also a powerful place where eyes search Jesus to live life daily. It’s a place we smell victory. At A Round Table we tackle real issues and grab maturity for our faith through Jesus.

This week we’ll be joining five Christian bloggers and authors as we discuss the B A T T L E with E N V Y.

Join 6 Bloggers - How Do We Handle Envy. #roundtable 3/28-3/31 Click To Tweet

Feel free to comment below. We’re here, ready to keep the discussion going with you.

We’ll tackle NINE questions concerning ENVY over the next four days. Yes ~ FOUR days!

Make sure you sign up here so you don’t miss a single post. It’s ammunition, just for you.

Ready? Let’s go!

Please meet these beautiful Jesus gals sitting at the table with us. Each is a blogger and author. They write beautifully, but the real discussions these gals offer prove even more beautiful. Please meet:

Lisa Appelo of True and Faithful

Kristine Brown of More Than Yourself

Betsy de Cruz of Faith Spilling Over

Abby McDonald of Fearfully Made Mom

Tiffany Parry of Simply for One

And your host, me – Kristi of KristiWoods.net

1. Define Envy – what does it look like to you?

Lisa: Envy grows out of comparison, but I think it’s really based in hate – hating that someone else has what we want or hating someone else for what they have.

Kristi: Oh, Lisa. I’ve not thought of envy under the umbrella of hate. I cringe at the thought, but it’s true, isn’t it? Envy is a form of selfishness and pride. It’s all about “me.” That often links arms with hate, not love – the devil, not Jesus. Envy is a spiritual fight, that’s for certain.

Abby: I think envy comes from the belief that God is withholding something from us. Whether we realize it or not, we believe that God has given someone else better gifts than we have and are dissatisfied with what he’s given us. We may even believe God loves this other person more than he loves us.

You can see traces of this type of mindset in the interactions of the first woman: Eve. In the Garden of Eden, she lacked nothing. Yet, the serpent was still able to convince her that God was withholding something from her. And we all know how this deception turned out.

Kristi: It is deception, Abby. So true!

Action Step~
How about you? Let us know in the comments below what envy looks like to you.

2. Where do you see envy in the church, in ministry?

Betsy: We don’t like to admit that there’s envy in the church, but it can rear its ugly head when we compare our ministry to someone else’s. God called my husband and me to a ministry of the small. We lead a small church. I have a small women’s ministry that consists of encouraging people, one-on-one. Last year, I thought about starting a women’s group, but God spoke to me clearly through a friend, “The women you know don’t need another meeting. They need personal encouragement.”

Lisa: Envy is so insidious. It creeps into every area of our life. Within a church, it’s easy for us women to envy other women. I might envy someone’s looks, family, marriage, standard of living, home, talents, personality, children, friendships, or the size and shape of her ministry. The list is endless because envy has an insatiable appetite.

Abby: There are a few things I’ve found tremendously helpful in battling envy. First, I thank God for the gifts he’s given me. I say them out loud, journal them and keep them in the forefront of my mind when I’m tempted to covet what another person has. Second, I encourage others when they achieve their goals. When you encourage another sister and truly mean it with your heart, it is difficult to be envious of her. And last, I remember the words Jesus prayed for believers during his final hours before his crucifixion. He longed for us to be unified as one body. It’s difficult to do that when I’m jealous of another person’s gifts.

Kristi: Such insight, girls. Our ministries, even our walk with the Lord, won’t mirror another’s. It’s personal. Isn’t it just like the devil to take the personal side and warp its view from a God thing into a “what about me?” thing? And Abby, I love your idea of giving thanks, encouraging others, and remembering Jesus. There’s power when we go back to the word.

A Thought for You, my friend ~ Envy is something most of us have battled. Let’s get real, admit to envy, and set it on the table. Something hints that we don’t need to carry it any longer. Jesus assures love proves a better grasp. Ready?

Stay tuned for Part 2 tomorrow. Until then, we’ll “see” you in the comments below.

What Grief Does to You

Grief

Walking Through Grief