Reprinted: My Love/Hate Relationship with Mothering

My Love/Hate Relationship with Mothering

 

Mothering and I have a love/hate relationship.

I love the idea of being a good mom. I want to be one. But there’s a struggle and underlying uncertainty with each attempt. I simply don’t feel good enough.

And I hate it.

It’s a vicious cycle.

Try.

Fail.

Self scorn.

Mothering pity party for 1.

Attempt again.

And girl, don’t even place a June Cleaver-type in my tracks.

It’ll be cause for a self-worth train wreck of the awful kind.

She’s so good, and I’m so…not. {sigh}

Cue the shortfall.

And the cycle begins again.

Mothering in Real Life

Let me offer a few examples…

There was the day I poked my head in the side door of our little Ellie, our silver flash of a van, only to find crumbs sprinkled on her floorboard and seats. And nevermind the trash shoved into the cracks and seat pockets. Goodness!

I sighed in defeat. After all, don’t good mothers keep clean vans? Mine was a mess. I stamped myself “Not Good Enough!”

Then there was the day milk spilled all over the dinner table – for the 455th time.

It rushed directly to the crevice – of course! It couldn’t gather in a nice, little puddle on the tabletop and wait patiently for a clean-up, could it?

With white liquid streaming to the floor below, I bellowed a slow-motion “Noooooo” in my brain. I’m not certain what came out of my mouth. Six eyes stared at me as I cried, giving credence that women do cry over spilt milk.

And kids stare at their cryin’ mamas.

And then there were those days when winning a tennis match with Serena Williams seemed easier than bearing the internal banter called “mothering indecision”.

Is he really hurt or does he just want attention?

Should I make her tow the mark on this one, or offer a “get out of jail free”?

Should I let them go or should they stay home?

Oh, the indecision…

Its chatter might as well have been plastered on a sandwich board hooked over my shoulders, hanging for all to see: “Bad Mother – Will Never Get It Right.”

But something has changed. I’m not that same mama crying over spilt milk anymore.

After all, milk doesn’t call us by name – God does.

But now, this is what the Lord says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine IS 43:1 NIV

Oh, I still like a clean van. And when those tires shine ~oooo!

But food crumbles left by clean and grimy little hands alike don’t create our identity – our Creator does.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Eph. 2:10 NIV

And the incessant indecision? It proved to be works of perfection determining my worth. I was afraid of being wrong for fear of being “not good enough”. It left little room for Jesus and His beautiful grace.

A right or wrong decision doesn’t determine our worth – our Daddy above does.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. Eph. 2:8-9 NIV

A right or wrong decision doesn't determine our worth - our Daddy above does. Share on X

The force behind these changes is what I call Godfidence. You know – God confidence.

Godfidence.

Are you mothering with Godfidence? Share on X

It’s not a 10-step process or a read from Mothering for Dummies. (Is there even such a book?!)

No. It’s a little girl walking alongside her big, strong, capable Father, linking fingers in prayer, the word, and worship – fiercely clinging to Him through life’s decisions. And never letting go.

Don’t Miss These Posts to Encourage Mamas of All Walks

• Have You Ever Asked “Who Am I?”
• 10 Best Podcasts for Christian Moms
• Why You Can’t Take a Lunch Box to Heaven
• Top Christian Podcasts to Encourage You
• What Does the Bible Say About Grace?

It’s a Daddy who knows just what His little girl needs – and being faithful to love her through the changes. With each change, she gains God confidence – Godfidence. And her steps become more firm.

As my Father revealed lies buried deep in my heart, He healed me. He healed my thoughts. He healed my mothering way of life. It was a process – and still is.

I changed. My mothering changed. But it wasn’t a mothering issue after all. It wasn’t crumbs, indecision, or spilt milk. No, those were only evidence. It was a heart condition.

As the Lord worked on my heart, I gained confidence.

It overflowed into mothering. It was Godfidence.

So let’s stick with it – mothering emersed in trust of the Lord, okay? Let’s link our fingers with our Father, keeping eyes on His prize, trusting Him as we step. Let’s cling fiercely to Jesus.

Our God will show us the lies. He’ll also help us heal. And we’ll gain Godfidence for this race called life, mothering included.

After all, He can take any love/hate relationship with mothering and beautifully turn it into one of love/love. I’m living proof. To God be the glory.

Resources for Christian Mothering & for Those Mentoring Young Mothers

Take a peek at these resources–some free, some paid–each helpful in the mothering journey.

Gratitude changes the heart. For the good. Grab this copy, a helper to keep attitudes focused heavenward. Perfect to use alone or as a gift to someone you’re mentoring.

Reminders of truth when the lies attempt to seep in.
Printable scripture cards fit beautifully in a frame, on the fridge, or tacked on a bulletin board. Find these and other faith-focused resources that’ll help spur on your spiritual maturity in the Kristi Woods Etsy Studio.

This free Christian planner, available in the Subscriber Library, is a helpful way to keep focus on spiritual things while also taking care of daily tasks.

Not a subscriber? No problem. Sign up here. It’s free!

Another free resource in the Subscriber Library “I Am Enough” truth declarations. Subscribe for access to this any many other free downloads like the ones below.

This piece, minus a few updates, first appeared at ShannonGeurin.com.