We have another beautiful #YourStory testimony of our God’s goodness today. Alisa Nicaud is an online writer friend. Our paths crossed when we found ourselves in the same critique group. It’s been a joy getting to know her. I hope you feel the same after seeing this glimmer of Jesus in Alisa. Enjoy!
For you didn’t receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”
Romans 8:15 WEB
I had always struggled with fear. Even as a little girl I remember the feelings of dread, worry, and uncertainty that would dominate my mind. It was as if a black cloud of negativity followed me around, convincing me that something bad was going to happen. When things started to look up for me, tragedy would strike, leading me right back to the dark cloud. In a weird sort of way, it became a comfort. It protected me from expecting too much good, helping me to avoid major disappointments and failures. Or so I thought.
Because I experienced this at such an early age, I assumed that it was just “how I was made”. I would go to church and hear about how wonderful Jesus was and then return home wondering why I was so messed up. The messages I was hearing, conflicted with the feelings that stirred inside of me.
The battle to believe was not an easy one.
Don’t get me wrong, I knew Jesus was real. I just wasn’t sure that He loved me. I wanted to believe He did, but the condemning thoughts from any poor decisions convinced me otherwise.
Throughout jr. high, high school and even college, I struggled with where I fit in. Not just in “clicks” with friends, but in life. I thought if I just played by the rules, I would be fine. I would be accepted. Although on the outside I was a “good girl”, on the inside I was a picture of religious snobbery. I was a Pharisee. I would judge others according to my standards, which were set high enough so that no human being could reach them—including myself. I pushed myself hard, thinking that if I was just good enough, then maybe God would accept me. Perhaps He would take away the fears, the insecurities and worries. On the contrary, it lead me to be performance-driven. The harder I strived and the more success I had, the emptier I felt. I was always waiting for the next big success that would fill that empty void.
And then I got saved.
It’s amazing how tragedy has a way of bringing you to a place of surrender. Soon after I got married, my father was killed in a car accident. It brought me to my knees. All of the fears and insecurities from my childhood amplified. There were days when I couldn’t get out of bed. There were weeks when I didn’t leave the house. I was a mess. One day after months of misery, I begged God to show up and reveal Himself. And He did. Slowly He began to heal me and unravel the tangled web of fear and striving that I had created. God, in His goodness, refused to let me stay where I was. Instead He began to reveal Himself.
He drew me into the story of the Parable of the Talents from Matthew 25. As I read verse 24, I paused.
“He also who had received the one talent came and said, ‘Lord, I knew you that you are a hard man, reaping where you didn’t sow, and gathering where you didn’t scatter. I was afraid, and went away and hid your talent in the earth. Behold, you have what is yours.’”
Matthew 25:24-25 WEB
My eyes filled with tears. It was as if in that moment, God gave me a clear picture of how I saw Him. It all became very clear. The heaviness I had been feeling all those years was stemmed from something I saw in church when I was five years old. He showed me that what I had seen, not only frightened me, but actually produced a seed of fear in me. From that moment on I became afraid of what God would do. I saw Him as a taskmaster who was “out to get me” if I did the wrong thing. That fear caused me to try to “do” better and “be” better, so that He would accept me and love me.
In that moment as I put my bible down, God began to tell me who He was. He began exposing lies and replacing them with truths. He lead me to study the Psalms and pull out every verse that showed His character. Although it was one of the hardest times in my life, it became one of the most beautiful. It was from that moment on that I began to cleave to Him as Father.
I was no longer a slave to fear, but understood what it meant to be a daughter of the Most High.
Life wasn’t perfect by any means. Some hard times came after this revelation. But I wasn’t alone. For the first time in my life, I was completely and totally surrendered to my God, who I knew adored me.
About Alisa Nicaud
A native of Virginia, Alisa Nicaud currently lives just north of New Orleans, LA with her husband Philip Nicaud, their five children and their dog, Roux. She owns a boutique coaching practice and is the founder of the blog, Flourishing Today. Through her own tragedies, Alisa is intimately familiar with the struggles of anxiety, fear, insecurity and depression. Alisa’s willingness to be transparent gives her a unique advantage in relating to women from all walks of life and leadership. She freely shares helpful hints and practical encouragement rooted in Biblical truth in her posts and resources. Her passion is to equip women to overcome any limitations preventing them from leading a flourishing life. You can learn more by visiting her blog at www.flourishingtoday.com
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Our stories are similar, Alisa. I was also chained to fear as a child and really assumed that there was no other way to live. So thankful for the freedom in Christ to look at fear and say, “When I am afraid, I will trust in God. In God, I trust, I will not be afraid.”
Our trust in God solves so much, doesn’t it, Michele?
That’s so good, Michelle! Fear tries to hold us hostage and keep us from fulfilling our destinies. I love how you said you have to look at fear and address it. When we face what we fear, we become fearless.
Alisa, this is beautiful. I can relate to your story in so many ways and am so glad God showed you who He truly is. So many women need to hear this. Thank you.
Thank you, Abby! This one was not an easy one for me to write, but those are usually the ones that people most relate to. I’m so grateful God met me where I was and extended grace and healing to me!
This is so good, Alyssa. I was just sharing this verse with someone the other day. Beautiful truth. Thanks for sharing so openly about your journey.
Thanks, Betsy! ????
Thanks for sharing your story. Fear has been a big issue for me since childhood as well. I love how God met with you and revealed himself, and that his perfect love casts out our fear.
Yes!!! Me too, Lesley! He is so faithful. It seems fear is one the biggest weapons of the enemy. Thank God He is bigger!
I relate to the try hard, do more life that leaves you feeling empty, Alisa. But replacing the truth of who God is with the lies we believe leads to fullness in Him. Thank you for sharing your heart, Alisa.
Thank you, Kristi, for sharing her story.
It’s a joy to share her story, Crystal. Thanks for reading.
I struggled with insecurity and still have moments and occasional flair ups but when God began to reveal who he was and who I was in him I was able to see my self in a new light. It’s nice being free, isn’t it?
Amen to freedom, Calvonia!
Thank you, Crystal! ????
yes, FREE indeed Calvonia!
I loved reading your testimony, Alisa. What a powerful picture of God’s picture to work in our hearts and cleanse us from the past. Your words remind me of the worship song, “No Longer Slaves,” by Bethel Music. Thanks so much for sharing your heart – and Kristi, for bringing us another powerful story.
Don’t you just love these powerful #YourStory testimonies, Tiffany? Love ’em!
Thank you, Tiffany! I love that song so much because it does remind me so much of my testimony. It makes me cry good tears every time! ????
Beautiful testimony, Alisa! I love how He listens to us and answers the cry of our heart when we call to Him. He loves us so. Thanks for sharing this. 🙂
Thank you, Kelly! Yes, His love never fails!
Alisa, your story is such an important witness of how God never stops pursuing us to not only save us for eternity but also free us in this earthly life. I love the tenderness of how His heart in drawing you in to experience His true heart and love for you. So thankful for how He connects our hearts and our stories here through our blogs. Beautiful testimony friend!
Yes!!! I’m so grateful He didn’t give up on me when I chose to “do my own thing”. He still pursued me. What a gracious God we serve!
Alisa, thank you for sharing your story! I had not thought about the fear of failing in this passage. I had always heard about wasted talents from this passage, but I love that you pointed out the struggle with fear. I can relate to pressuring oneself to do well out of fear and anxiety, and it can be so paralyzing. I enjoyed reading your post!
Thank you, Courtney! It’s amazing how fear shows up in so many forms. Many things that look like control and insecurity are actually rooted in fear. I love how God uproots those fears and replaces them with His Word when we seek Him.