When My Greatest Fear Came True

Do you ever fear something you’re scared of coming true? I have. One day, my greatest fear came true.

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Written on July 19, 2018

My head hurts today. Perhaps my body protests the chocolate I devoured yesterday. (I love chocolate–like LOVE it. Sadly, it refuses to love me.)

But it might be the tears I shed this morning concerning our puppy.

Ellie, our 8 week-old rescue, Collie-mix of some sort, ran around the house like normal yesterday–until 5:30 PM. That’s when her breakfast, lunch, and dinner projectiled all over our rug.

And again. And again. And again.

We taxiied her, the cute girl on the bottom of the picture above, to the emergency vet last night. We walked out with a hydrated puppy, assurance it was not parvo, but no real answer as to what battle brewed inside our pup. This morning, Ellie turned her head from food, refused to move out her crate, yelped when we tried to move her, and urinated on herself.

Hello downhill slope.

I cried.

Meanwhile, thoughts of my greatest fear concerning Ellie taunted and teased.

Just 5 months earlier we battled sickness with our sweet Bailey.

With steroids and antibiotics pulsing through her body, she appeared to be perking back to life.

But fear danced within me.

“What if?” tumbled inside. What if the meds simply offered false hope? What if she showed signs of healing, only to slide down the slope once again, skidding straight to death’s door?

What If My Fear Comes True?

Just six months prior, we lost Dixie, our 12 yr. old beagle/Jack Russell mix. We cried.

We thought we’d have 5 or 6 more years with Bailey, a black and white stray (top in the picture above) who found us in Oklahoma. After all, her age ran young in dog years.

Bailey gathered tidbits of strength, but then she began sliding down that darned slippery slope.

Again.

Just as I feared.

(Find uplifting, courage-filled verses here and here.)

She’s now buried on family property.

With Bailey’s death and a quiet, dogless house, I stood at a fork in the road: Would I trust God amid my fear coming true?

In 2015 I faced fear with my father’s death. (Read more here.)

Soon after a slew of events assailed. (Read more here.) 

Facing death, whether it centers on a person or furry friend, shoots fireworks of fear in many of us. So do a series of circumstances that send us circling.

Many of us are facing a fork in the road, albeit a small or big crisis of faith.

• A marriage torn apart even though we stood adamant against divorce
• A partner dying far too young
• A child leaving their faith on the doorstep when they left our nest
• Feelings of “not being enough”
• That work promotion landing on a co-worker’s desk instead of ours
• People failing us
• Financial security crumbling
• Health declining

When we fear and it comes to pass, on whom will we lean?

Where will we set our trust?

God offers collective wisdom for the choice.

Trust in Yahweh with all your heart,
    and don’t lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make your paths straight. 

Prov. 3:5-6 WEB

Setting trust at His feet–in His love–never fails us.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear has punishment.

1 John 4:18a WEB

The perfect love of our Father stands trustworthy. He holds out His hand to you and me, even when…

• Situations make little sense (Joseph, Ruth)
• Others have hurt us or let us down (woman caught in adultery)
• Death looms (Jesus, Stephen)

Today, if you’re facing your greatest fear, where will you set your trust?

Ellie update:

As pathetic as she looked and acted, our sweet Ellie is romping and running, praise the Lord, around the yard and house today. (Technically, she’s sleeping in her crate at the moment, but she was digging in the cantelope patch earlier. She loves cantaloupe but pees like a fire hydrant afterward.) She healed nicely and is a healthy pup. The local vet kindly offered to see her early the next day. They diagnosed her with a urinary tract infection. Meds worked wonders. God too. 😉

9/11

For those of us in the US, this day marks a sober anniversary. I sat pregnant with my daughter, watching the turmoil unfold on the television that day. The military claimed rights to my husband, and we lived near the area where the fighter jets scurried from in order to protect parts of DC and our nation.

I recall being afraid–a fork in the road.

May our God of all Comfort, comfort those in mourning, those clutched by fear, those continuing to hurt physically, and people battling with turmoil caused by difficult memories.

We look to You, Lord.